Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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