I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize