I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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