i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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