I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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