I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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