if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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