This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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