just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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