it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize