Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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