I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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