Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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