Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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