It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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