I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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