'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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