thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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