i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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