one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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