I seem to have left my pride at pride
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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