I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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