There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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