pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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