There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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