well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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