Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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