How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize