mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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