I wish I only lived at night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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