You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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