omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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