When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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