"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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