Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.

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(785): My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/kbij

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.

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(902): Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza. http://tfl.nu/scf8

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.

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(608): I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her. http://tfl.nu/42b2

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.

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(+64): The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me. http://tfl.nu/8v6d

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.

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(+44): I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though. http://tfl.nu/88hx

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(575): View more from New Mexico

You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.

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(575): You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/h3k6

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(408): View more from California

Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.

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(408): Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding. http://tfl.nu/vpqq

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(773): View more from Illinois

I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.

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(773): I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea. http://tfl.nu/j1n0

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.

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(803): I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT. http://tfl.nu/pk4z

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(419): View more from Ohio

Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus

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(419): Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus http://tfl.nu/mjlu

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.

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(724): Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me (1-724): He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit. http://tfl.nu/ml5w

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(313): View more from Michigan

I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs

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(313): I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs http://tfl.nu/01r5

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break

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(704): Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break http://tfl.nu/3onf

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?

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(859): Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less? http://tfl.nu/3zmk

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(303): View more from Colorado

Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may

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(303): Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may http://tfl.nu/mwgs

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