I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize