In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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