I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize