Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
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There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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