Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
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did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize