I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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