the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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