hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can text with my tongue
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize