It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize