Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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