Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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