I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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