Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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