I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
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It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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