All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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